Cohabitation Hurts More Than a Couple

Word from the Center
Written By LCRL Staff

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If a couple came to me and said, “Pastor, we’d like to get married, and we’d like to do everything we can today to make sure our marriage ends in divorce tomorrow,” then I would tell them that the first thing they should do is move in together. Cohabitation is that destructive to marriage and family life.

However, the warning must not stop there. Because it is a form of public and intentional sin, cohabitation is particularly destructive to the conscience, and not just to the couple’s conscience but also to the conscience of the Christian community. Many couples view their choices as going no further than themselves. I would like to challenge this by considering some of the ways that cohabitation harms the broader Christian community.

A biblical concern

St. Paul had this broader concern in mind in his Epistle to the Galatians. He warned them about the dangers of open sins against conscience: “I warn you, as I warned you before, that those who do such things will not inherit the kingdom of God” (Gal. 5:21). He teaches the duty of seeking to restore those caught in sin: “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness” (Gal. 6:1). But the verse does not stop there! Paul goes further still: “Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted.”

Why would Christians need to keep watch on the themselves as they seek to address those caught in open sin? Surely the usual temptations to pride and self-righteousness must be overcome, but there is another: the temptation to view open sin against the commandments as not that big of a deal. To keep watch on myself I must recognize that not only do my sins harm my conscience, but the sins of others work to desensitize my conscience as well. “Do you not know that a little leaven leavens the whole lump?” (1 Cor. 5:6).

Returning to the sin of cohabitation, then, the church’s concern must not only be for the couple, but also for the conscience of the entire church and our witness before the world. Here are some of the ways that cohabitation harms the broader Christian community:

1. Cohabitation pressures Christians to be accepting of sin.
Because cohabitating couples are sinning openly, there comes a silent demand that everyone look the other way. Families and congregations feel pressured to be silent or even to be happy for them. Sometimes the crisis of conscience within the family is as painful as it is silent: “Do I speak up and risk ruining my relationship with my children?” Sadly, often the pastor or other spiritual leader (Gal. 6:1) is the only or first one to speak up.

Most of my readers will know what I mean. In a case of open sin, you were probably pressured to look the other way. Perhaps your children and relatives acted like the sin was normal and good. The hurt you felt needs to be acknowledged. It is not your fault that you had to speak the truth in love about their sin. It is not your fault that things are so messy. Even as we are called to forgive those who trespass against us, it is important to acknowledge that sin against us does indeed hurt!

Pastors feel this pressure too. The cohabitating couple often, even if silently, demands that the pastor publicly sanction what he is required from the Bible to ask others to forsake. They especially demand this if they demand a public church wedding but refuse to repent. And all of us feel the two-fold danger latent in the command in Galatians 6:1, namely failing to address the sin on the one hand, or, on the other hand, failing to do so “in a spirit of gentleness.” No easy task! Click here to continue reading.

The Rev. Joshua Hayes serves as pastor of St. John Lutheran Church, Palmer, Kan. This article first appeared in and is reprinted here with permission of The Lutheran Witness.

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See Also
Cohabitation Hurts More Than a Couple
Cohabitation Hurts More Than a Couple

If a couple came to me and said, “Pastor, we’d like to get married, and we’d like to do everything we can today to make sure our marriage ends in divorce tomorrow,” then I would tell them that the first thing they should do is move in together. Cohabitation is that destructive to marriage and family life.

However, the warning must not stop there. Because it is a form of public and intentional sin, cohabitation is particularly destructive to the conscience, and not just to the couple’s conscience but also to the conscience of the Christian community. Many couples view their choices as going no further than themselves. I would like to challenge this by considering some of the ways that cohabitation harms the broader Christian community.

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One of my favorite recurring guests on the “Liberty Action Alert” is Cal Thomas. He is a clear-thinking, fearlessly-engaging, Christian voice in the public square. His columns and commentary always give “public” Christians a lot to think about as they try to live out their faith lives in the particular vocations in the world in which they serve. He wrote this Good Friday piece about 3 years ago,

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Fight the Good Fight

 

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“Bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh,” the man exclaimed, “she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man” (Gen. 2:23). God had put the man to sleep, made the woman from his rib and presented her to the man (Gen. 2:21–22). The man’s response expresses the profundity and joy that he had discovered in her sameness; he is also clearly filled with relief. In her, he found rest and a true fulfillment of his godly desire (sexual, emotional, intellectual).

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Pro-Death Penalty, Pro-Life

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Christian Citizenship

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On ‘The Last Battle’: Hope in an Age of Political Woe
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A charlatan sits in power. Division and cynicism have won the hearts of the people. Foes at home and abroad are cunning. The nation feels sullied. Such is the situation facing Tirian, the last king of Narnia.

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As citizens of this great nation, we use our God-given reason to elect men and women who we believe will most closely rule according to God’s will and Word. But we also know that the U.S. has maintained a perfect record of electing sinners to be presidents and senators and representatives: every single one of them.

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Getting Involved

Is it alright for Christians to be involved with politics?

The Bible contains no specific command that either requires or forbids Christian involvement with politics. However, through the prophet Jeremiah, God teaches His people that they should, “Seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the Lord on its behalf” (Jer. 29:57). In other places, God teaches that Christians should obey and pray for those in positions of civil authority (Matt. 22:21; Rom. 13:17; Titus 3:1; 1 Pet. 2:13). These passages, together with the general biblical teaching that Christians should care for and promote the welfare of their neighbor, would suggest that Christians should participate in the process of deciding how we, as a nation, shall live.

LCRL Staff
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